I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
