woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
