If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
