You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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