Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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