when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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