If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Never joke about your clitoris.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
