pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
