You smell like a Billy Joel song
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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