I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
