i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
