Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
