I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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