i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize