Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
