she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
