I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
