I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
