Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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