Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
