Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
