Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
