Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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