I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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