I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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