This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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