sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
