hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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