I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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