I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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