Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
