Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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