I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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