I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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