so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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