Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
