i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
