The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
