i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
