I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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