I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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