Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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