Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize