when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
