and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
