fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
