That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
