Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize