I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
