Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
