yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
